A Senior Golfers' outing.

29.4.2008.

To-morrow, Wednesday 30th., we're all trooping to A'famosa Golf Resort, Alor Gajah. The trip should take about 45 minutes, depending on your car, and/or driver. The 4 in our flight would be Jamaluddin, Zainal "Pak Itam", Maulud the Orang Besar Istana, although he's not very besar, and I.

We had filled in the entry form together, but until yesterday had not finalised our transport arrangements. I'd met Jamaluddin earlier, crossing paths in our cars, so I shouted out I'm coming with you, but he replied he's coming with Arham. So yesterday after our 9-hole round we called Jamaluddin, who was in another flight, and asked about our travelling plans. Zainal Pak Itam said his wife has his car, and if we go in Maulud's Kancil, we'd have to put our golf bags on the roof. Jamaluddin said you didn't mention we're going together, so I said that's understood because we're in the same flight and we signed the entry form together, and only he has a van that can take everyone. So he relented. Only I reminded Maulud 6 a.m. is 6 a.m., not 6.01 a.m.

He's forever the latecomer, because he says he has to pass motion first, so I said tomorrow you better bring a tempurung. And another thing, I said everybody will contribute to the toll and petrol expenses. In the past whenever Maulud came with me, every time we stop at the toll plaza he'd whistle and pretend to look out of his leftside window. I said Dato' Ismail always pulls out a rm 10 note 100 meters before the toll plaza. 

This is another of the many Senior Golfers' friendlies organized by Tan Sri Isa's boys. They're always well supported, as all golf outings are. Only this time Zain Rais is somehow involved at the convening stage and got carried away with the seemingly unnecessary bureucracy of entry forms and what not. As a result there have been some murmurings, and I heard a couple of very senior seniors have pulled out because of feeling slighted during the paperwork involved. There was some mention just now that this was supposed to be "limited" to Isa's supporters only, but I quickly interjected that it should be open to all, and how ridiculous to keep it close. I'm sure Isa would want to widen his fan club.

One welcome news is that it's system 36. For the uninitiated, this is a system where the handicap for the day is determined by that day's play. There's a complicated way of calculation, but anyway this will overcome the problem of people declaring bogus handicaps. What it won't overcome, however,is cheating, and there's usually plenty. 

In my many years of golfing I've come across the whole lot. There's the "drop" cheat. What he does is to drop his ball more than a club-length and nearer to the green, when he's only entitled to not more than one club-length and not nearer the green whenever he's to take a drop because he's found the hazard. In fact I've seen a senior golfer drop his ball 10 meters onto the fairway! There's the "lost ball" cheat. One scenario is he admits the loss and then do the drop cheat. The other scenario is everyone looks for his ball and says it's lost, but as the others move on the golfer hangs back and suddenly shouts " I've found it !". The ball appears like magic.

There's a story originating from KGNS that a former senior government official, in the days when certain brands of golf balls came in individual palstic wrappers, once did this lost ball trick. But he forgot to remove the wrapper, and when his companions who were also searching turn quickly around, there was the "found" ball sitting prettily in its shiny plastic ! 

There's the "moving ball" cheat.This is the most incorrigible type. You're supposed to play it as it lies, even if the ball is in a divot, but that's unacceptible , of course. So our cheat will coolly slide his ball on to a flat spot with the toe of his club so that he can get a better contact. To add insult, this is also the golfer who comes back to the clubhouse and boasts he got 7 pars in 9 holes. The strange thing is there is this so-called single-handicapper at our club who does this all the time, and he doesn't even bet. 

There's the "drop the marker" cheat. You are supposed to place a marker behind your ball when on the green so that you can clean it before putting. What happens here is the golfer drops his coin, being used as a marker and is quite legal, about 6 inches from the ground such that it rolls 6 inches nearer to the hole, and is quite illegal. An Punjabi ex police officer used to do this, plus he'd also throw his ball down so that was another 6 inches gained. This must have been profitable for him because he played golf even when he had to use a walking stick because of his arthritis. He'd call everybody "abang", so in the end we all know him as Abang. 

Next is the "clean the rough" cheat. If your ball ends up in the long grass, you cannot improve your lie. What our friend does is to take several "practice" swings such that in the end the ball sits nicely in its little open space. A famous proponent was an eye surgeon who while clearing his ball would say "ada katak". In mitigation, for a long time he regularly played with a hustler who would take him to the cleaners every time. 

We also have the "lost count" cheat. He simply cannot count above 4. He may have hit 6 or 7 strokes including his putts, but it's always 4. This is the "fore !" that golfers shout when belting a wild drive, or belting the 4-counter.

The worst kind is the guy who does all of the above, and then further improves his score by altering his scorecard. I'm not making this up. There was such a guy, but after being caught he has resigned from the club. He's got the appropriate name to boot -  Cashmoney !(Actually Kasmani, but it's close). The last I heard he's the treasurer of a Persatuan. I hope they don't lose anything. 

 Anyway, I'm looking looking forward to tomorrow. I've never won one of these, and I'm not really thinking of winning, rather enjoying my favourite past time. I'll just concentrate on our group's own game. If Maulud cannot count after 4, I'll give him what for !

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