Seeking piety and forgiveness.

 Wed. 15.3.2023 (22 Sya'aban 1444)

The trip was simple enough on the surface of it.  9 hours in the air going, 8 hours coming back. 12 days in the 2 holiest cities of Islam. Contrasting comfort of the expensive lodgings, and the physical distress of offering prayers in the milling crowd. All rituals eventually completed. I'm back home.

The journey was bigger, more subtle and complex. It was seeking piety and forgiveness for past sins, real, imagined and in between. It can never be final,  or in any way resolved. I'll never know if my supplications were heard.

We left 15 days ago, on Tuesday 28.2.2023, for the ziarah & umrah trip. We came back 3 days ago. I was in good health and ate well, except in Makkah I suffered a bad case of itching on both legs,  had cracked soles on both feet, and cuts on the toes because of all the trampling during the tawaf and sa'i. Idah had coughs and fever for a few days in Makkah. No 3 Son gave her some medicine. I saw Dr. Miszua when back in Seremban for my legs. 

We went to Madinah first, then Makkah. There were about 40 Malaysians in our Nilam TH Travel group.

No. 3 Son, with his wife and their 3 boys, aged 9, 8 and 3, took  us. This was my first umrah after my first hajj 40 years ago. But this was Idah's 2nd umrah ,  followed by a hajj some years ago. It was the first for No. 3 Son and family.

Checking-in time was stipulated for 6 am, 15 minutes before Subuh. Many prayed on the side of the lobby, some near the toilet doors. Boarding in fact was at 10. Prayer time could have been arranged better.

The flight to Madinah from KL went smooth.  But the first 30 minutes returning home from Jeddah to KL was rough. At one point we probably dropped 80-100 feet and there were shrieks and yelling. Luckily, food had not been served. Hot coffee and curry could have splattered the passangers, otherwise.

We were in Madinah until Sunday.  The 5 days were tight. The obligatory rawdah prayers and the Holy Prophet and Abu Bakr and Omar tombs' visits were done after Magrib on the 2nd day. The 3rd day we visited Qubah mosque (the first one built by the Prophet). Of course the present one is huge by comparison.  We prayed there. We passed by the 7 mosques. There was Ali's mosque. All now closed to visitors "for security reasons".  Convenient.  We visited Mount Uhud, where the Prophet's army famously lost. We visited the martyrs' graves, of Saidina Hamzah and the others. I lingered, trying to imagine how it was. No 3 Son & 2 sons climbed all the way up.

On Saturday night we went to the food court near Bilal's mosque. 

Sunday morning, after breakfast, we made our final tour of the Masjid Nabawi, making a complete round of the magnificent and enlarged mosque. The famous green dome we could clearly see from the front. The crowd was huge throughout, but all mosque entrances remained open, and there was always ample room inside and outside  for the solat.

That wasn't going to be the case for the al Haram.

After lunch our group left in one bus for Makkah, the men putting on the ihram. We stopped for the miqat umrah at Bir Ali. The trip took 5 hours.

We performed the umrah after Isya' prayers at the al Haram. By 11 we were back in our hotel.

The next 6 days were filled with prayers in the Holy Mosque, and site visits to Ja'ranah and Hudaibiyah for miqat umrah no 2 and 3. I understand some did their own miqat umrah at Tana'im, close by, taking taxis. I did this, too, when I did my hajj.

For the Ja'ranah miqat, we went to the plains of Arafat first, then Muzdalifah, Mina and Jabal Rahmah. The "tents" are  fire-proof and airconditioned, now.  I saw plenty of w.c's. 40 years ago they simply dug out holes behind our plastic tents, and you better watch your step!  The casting stones from Muzdalifah for the 3 Jamrahs are now packed up and ready for  the jemaahs.

At the Hudaibiyah miqat we had some surprisingly crispy roti canai prepared by a Rembau boy. He's been here for 2 years. There was also nasi lemak. The roti canai went for SR 3 (about RM 3.60. In Seremban it's RM 1).

The hotels booked for us in Madinah (Movenpick) and Makkah (Fairmont on the Clock Tower) were excellent. The food was very good, laid out on three mezzanine floors, M1,M2,M3 in Makkah.  I'm not a big eater, but probably ate more than normal. Movenpick is next to the Masjid Nabi. Similarly the Clock Tower Hotel in Makkah faces the al Haram about 50 m. away. Gates 89 & 90, and the escalators to the rooftop face the hotel. These were the entrances I used. As I said entry was sometimes denied. The throng would press on the barricades, the security loudly shouting and gesticulating, chasing everybody away. We could see that the prayer halls were not full. Objection must be made at relevant international conferences about the arbitrary nature of the crowd control.  People spend a lot of money, travelling half-way round the world, to pray in the al Haram, not to sing and dance. 

TH seems to make it standard now that the chartered economy class airline seats get less space than normal regular commercial flights. The checking-in arrangements could be improved, especially in Jeddah.  Airline food was bad in taste, and choice. The aircraft toilets were overused and understocked.

In exactly 7 days' time, the Muslims of the world would begin their month of Ramadan fast for the  1,444th year after the Holy Prophet migrated from Makkah to Madinah to spread Islam, now embraced by a third of the entire human population. It's a far cry from the secret belief of an immediate family, to the open world-wide celebrations of Islamic practices. The symbolic pinnacle of pious obligation is prayer at the two holy sites,  for believers who can afford to make the pilgrimage.

In 1983 I answered the call to the hajj.  I was not quite 39. I had a wife and 3 sons. But I went alone. No. 3 Son was 1 year old, and prevailing circumstances did not favour bringing an infant for the known hardship of foreign travel. Leaving the baby with strangers would not allow peace of mind vital to holy duties so far away. Those were the circumstances then. Today infants in prams commonly jostle for space in the two holy cities. The facilities are there now.

This time, 40 years later, that very same No. 3 Son had brought us to the Holy Cities. And he even brought his 3-year old son along with the 7 and 8-year siblings, with their mother.  The long flight, the 12-day stay, the huge crowds, and the packed, busy schedule, all did not hamper anyone. Such is the improved provision of modern travel. At a price, of course. Some chose to travel First Class or Business Class. Some asked for rooms facing the Baitullah. Again for a price.

Unable to squat for the tashood in prayers, I brought from home 2 collapsible plastic stools. Friends told me it wasn't necessary. There are plenty of chairs in both mosques. They were right, of course. But I wasn't wrong, too, because a couple of times, my stool saved the day, simply because the crowd was simply too big, and the chairs were stacked in many points not always accessible to the needful. Even with this, I fell down twice while waiting for the prayers to begin. Once was when the mosque's chair somehow collapsed under me. The Arab on both sides helped me up (I wasn't hurt), and one even went to look for a replacement chair without my asking for it. The second time was when somehow my own collapsible stool broke down under me. Again it was an Arab sitting on my left who came to my assistance. He pointed out, upon inspection, one small holding peg pushed out of place. He pushed it back, and it was ok.

For the farewell tawaf widak, on mutawif Ustaz Abdullah's suggestion, I got up very early and Idah insisted following me, when before this she took the scooter. We were inside the al Haram at 3 am. The plan was to finish our tawaf widak before 4 and return to the hotel for our Subuh prayers, which was at 5.15 am. I wasn't sure Idah was up to it because of her leg problem. We had hoped for a thinner crowd. It wasn't. But it was slightly smaller than the daytime one. It helped. Idah hung on to my ihram for the entire 7 cycles. Then we went to the zam-zam water tanks for a cup of the liquid, praying "God, give me useful guidance, generous provision, and the cure for diseases". We prostrated for the solat tawaf, and searched for the nearest exit. We made it out of the King Fahd gates at exactly 4 am, as planned, Praise the Lord. The gate was some distance from our hotel, but we we relieved, and for the first time the precious tears came to my eyes as I embraced Idah and uttered "we've done it".

We were supposed to leave for Jeddah before 10 am. The bus only came around 10.30. We reached the stop-over Garden Park Hotel, Jeddah, before 12. We rested before doing our jama' kathar Zohor & Asr prayers. The musalla is too small. Many used the waiting hall area on the ground floor. Some did the jemaah, others individually.

Again the bus came nearly an hour late, to take us to the airport, but there was more than sufficient time. Enough, in fact, to give time for my own little drama.

When I packed before leaving home for the umrah, I had kept my wallet with my ic and Saudi Riyals. I removed all cards from my card-holder, except for one credit card (just in case), and, would you believe it, my gun licence card. Why would I want to bring this to Madinah and Makkah ? Only  God Knows why, because that card probably saved me from being detained, or even locked up, as I entered the boarding area of Jeddah airport for the return journey Saturday.

A few weeks before the umrah date, I had gone for a shooting test at the Senaling Police shooting range. This was part of my gun-licence annual renewal procedure. I'd some excess .22 rifle bullets in the sling bag I normally use. Back home, I'd emptied the bullets into my drawer. I must have left one single bullet lodged in the bottom of the sling bag. I didn't re-check the bag. I used it to keep my passports for this umrah trip.

At KLIA, on the way for the trip, I put the bag together with the other stuff onto the trays for xray as you enter the boarding area. Nothing was detected, or maybe the security didn't see anything unusual. I did, however, manage to leave my name-tag and my precious handphone in one of the trays without realising the error. I had gone on to sit at a far corner of the waiting area, still not aware of my missing name-tag and handphone.  After a few minutes, a lady security officer called out my name. I went to her. She calmly said "you left these" handing my name-tag and handphone. Was I surprised ! I was greatly relieved. A potential disaster was avoided. I went back to locate the honest officer, but couldn't identify her, and they were already calling for boarding !

The Arab lady airport security officer at Jeddah, on xraying my stuff at the check-in point, spotted something inside my sling bag. What is it, she asked. I said I didn't know. It was one .22 live bullet.

I was hauled to the officers' corner where maybe 6 uniformed staff were, and a young senior officer was siting at a large table. I was ushered to him. English was the common language, fortunately. I explained. I remembered the gun card. I took it out, presented it to the sitting senior officer, and told him what it was. Another officer took me aside and made a full search on me and the contents of my wallet. All 3 cabin luggage I had with me were re-xrayed. The senior officer said I had to write a brief report on what happened. I did. He took my thumbprints twice. Then looked at me and said "don't do this again !" I grabbed his hands in a handshake, shook the hands of the other 2 officers standing near, collected my luggage and, sighing great relief, walked briskly towards the departure hall. I saw Hj. Fitri, sitting near the hall entrance and said " they found a bullet in my bag, they could have detained me !" Hj. Fitri was shocked. I just walked quickly away. It took all of 20 minutes, I thought.

There was a long delay at boarding, but half-an-hour after the azan for Magrib I was called to the C section to board. My C 41 was at the tail end of the aircraft. 

I felt unusually cold the entire flight. I hardly touched my food. I only went to the toilet once the whole 8 hours, unusual for me. I did my jama' kathar Magrib and Isyak, and later my Subuh prayers in my seat, facing the opposite of qiblat, but this was dharurat. In the process I dropped the wuduk bottle which the back passenger picked and returned to me.

Dekna and her 4 children, Banjat and Iman were waiting at the arrival hall. No 3 Son and 2 of his boys were already there. I took my leave of No 3 Son and pushed the luggage to Dekna's car at gate 7. I said goodbye to Banjat and Iman, and we left for home.

It was not Zohor when we reached home. I lied down in bed without removing any of my clothes, and promptly fell asleep. When I woke up, it was already Asr. I had to qada' my Zohor. Am I re-starting the error of my ways ?

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