Remembering dear mom.

15.12.2008.

19th. December would be 100 days since mom passed on. The others agreed that we should hold prayers for her, but 19th. being a Friday, we moved the "tahlil" to Saturday, 20th.,when everybody can come.

It'll mostly be a close family affair - reciting the Surah Yaasin, tahlil, doa, solat Isya' and then some refreshments. This sort of thing isn't "wajib" in Islam, but it isn't a bad tradition, remembering the dear departed. Some purists are too critical, labeling this as "bida'ah" and not practised by the Holy Prophet. In fact far too much polemics are wasted on matters of ikhtilaf when there are more important issues in Islam that merit attention. In syariah class recently the students digressed at length on the different customary practices of the qurban, taking issue at the proper disposal of the head which the ones offering the sacrifice ought to lay claim, and so on.

We haven't filed the petition for the official transfer of the house and the plot on which it stands with the District Land Administrator. All the brothers and sisters have agreed in writing to let Yan take the title. Two things happened recently that made me rethink about the earlier group decision. The first one was what my wife heard about Ati thinking about moving to Melaka, to Nazri's place. The second was Norzam's demand from Yan for RM 150 for the survey of the four divisions of the whole plot of land with the old ancestral home in front, and mom's house at the opposite end. Ati, in spite of the assurances about the motive of naming Yan to inherit the property, needs to be reassured that the house is as much hers as everyone else's. Yan, poor girl, needs to be protected from being taken advantage of. So, after a few 'phone calls to Fadzil and Fuad, I'm getting everyone this Saturday to agree, in writing, that we nominate both Ati and Yan to inherit mom's house and plot of land. As I post this blog on Ati's laptop, I have already spoken to both Ati and Yan and they have not objected.

Actually the entire original plot is slightly less than one acre. But in an old arrangement there are now four owners registered - Nok'in, Norzam, Basit and mom. Nok'in is already occupying the ancestral home, while mom built this house at the opposite end. The idle land in between had, before 1995, been left idle and grew only belukar and was an eyesore.

In 1995 I told mom I'd plant some rambutans so that the idle land would be used and maintained. Mom objected, saying, correctly and in due course accurately that Amok, her younger sister,  would object. I  reasoned that this is not taking the land away, but to maintain it and not let the belukar take over forever, and when Amok wants her land back she can do that. 

Since that year the 10 rambutan trees have not failed to bear 10 varieties of fruit each season, and Karim even spent good money to fence the land and build a small "pundung". 

As I said mom was accurate and Amok got really nasty when she found out what we have done on her plot. The problem is mom related the whole thing to me. I'm not the best of man in good times, so under the circumstance I got really pissed. To my credit, I might add, I've kept all this between mom and me. But my hurt on what Amok said to mom, her elder sister,remains to this day. 

When I was in primary school I used to spend my holidays at Amok's house in Jempol. Right up to the episode, Amok was in my heart only second to mom. Not any more. I'm truly sorry, Amok. Blood is thicker than water, but my hurt is deeper than you think. I guess it's not Amok, it's me.

This isn't the nicest way to remember mom. But I have to get it off my chest. Mom truly was in many of her small ways a remarkable woman. Din has many anacdotes about her. I have my own lasting memories that I'll forever cherish. I'm glad that in the last of changes of my services before retirement I was based in Kuala Pilah and was able to make up a lot of lost time with her. We didn't talk too much, but then she wasn't much of a talker anyway. But just being there with her  was somehow reassuring for me.

My only regret is that my own children have not had the opportunity to get real close to their grandmother. She wasn't a great traveller, so visits to our house were rare. It was only when the children accompanied me that they played a bit with their grandmother, and there are rare photographs of these.  But I'm sure they all remember their quiet grandmother. 

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